SweetPea Castle

Inspiration

It comes in many forms... and often at the strangest times and in the most unexpected ways.  But, I wouldn't have it any other way.  I grew up very troubled and struggled with myself for many years.  My outlet was creative writing.  I loved writing poetry and song... more songs than anything though.  It's been years since I've given into the desire to write.  But, I think it's time again.  And, I think it's time that I got that piano uncovered and really started playing.

The children are getting older and growing up so quickly.  I have my hands full.  But, I have songs in my heart that I believe the Lord wants me to let out... even if they never become anything more than private worship.  He deserves ALL my praise!

Jason and I had the miraculous pleasure of spending two nights and three days away from the children and regular life this past weekend/week.  We attended the Integrity Deeper Worship seminar in Virginia Beach.  We took a great part of our church worship team down and God really blessed us.  Now, we all return with fresh vision and inspiration.  But, even better than that... we had an amazing time just being alone and in the presence of the Almighty!

Our two pups are at their two week puppy boot camp... and a great young lady from church (God Bless the Dahl family!) came to stay with our four littlest ones.  It gave us the freedom to attend the seminar without distraction or other concerns.  Such a rare and much needed retreat!

Now, it's time to get back to the daily walk and everything that it entails.  I'm sure I'll get back to post a more mundane and regular post sometime later.  But, for now I've got tons to get done around here.  I've got some diapers to get listed in the online store too.  May the God of gace and mercy draw you ever closer to Him... and may you meet Him... at the foot of the cross...

Seasons...

My heart is heavy... I've so many things running through my mind right now that I need to sit down and sort through it all - most of it anyway.

This December will be 9 years since my tubal reversal.  I went into that surgery asking God for "just one more".  Just one more to carry and feel growing in my womb.  Just one more to nurse and snuggle.  Just one more to raise for His glory.  He lovingly gave me four more miracle blessings on this earth.  And then he closed my womb for good.  It was NOT how I would have envisioned things ending.  But, obviously He didn't ask my input on this subject.

May 6, 2008 was the day that the Lord closed my womb permanently.  After Josiah was born on January 3, 2008 everything sort of "fell out".  I had a pretty severe pelvic prolapse that required surgical intervention.  That was my only real option.  Jason and I were at a place of asking the Lord to either close my womb or give us an extended break when found that we were expecting Josiah.  Again, this is not how we would have envisioned Him answering our prayers.  But, again... He didn't ask for our preferences in this matter.  We are still dealing with complications from this original surgery and are praying that my surgery next month will resolve everything finally.

In preparation for this upcoming surgery, the doctor really wanted for Josiah to have been weaned.  I told her that he was my last and I refused to push him before he was ready.  Well... one week ago he was ready.  His last time to nurse was just before bed on April 25th.  I knew it was coming.  We were down that week to nursing just 2-3 times a day at most.  But, I still wasn't entirely ready.  I rejoice that the Lord granted me so much.  And I know that this is for the best.  Now, my body has plenty of time to adjust and be prepared for surgery.  AND, I get to go away for a weekend alone with my husband in two weeks (thank you mom and daddy!).  Yet, my heart is still heavy as I gaze upon my baby who is growing up entirely too fast for me.  Well, really they all are.

Seasons... we've been in a season of childbirth and little children for 8 years now... and this season is ending.  Thank you Lord for trusting us so much with these precious miracles.  Now, I prepare my heart to move on faithfully in this next season.  And I rejoice knowing that You are directing my every step.  Help me to be more faithful in ministering to my husband's needs and being the wife and mother... and keeper of my home... that YOU'VE called me to be.

Still struggling, but hopeful

Tabitha is doing much better.  She's finally eating again and almost back to her normal self.  There IS a silver lining in her getting so sick.  She finally completed her potty learning!  She's gone pee on the potty for well over six months now, but refused to have a bowel movement on the potty.  She would wait for nap or bedtime and go in her pullup... or in her panties if she just couldn't hold it anymore.  This was causing serious issues with constipation.  Well, with all the diarrhea last week she started going on the potty and has gone there ever since.  She is such a blessing and I am SO proud of her.

Josiah is NOT doing better yet.  He started barfing Saturday night just after going to bed.  That was after 3 days of nasty diarrhea diapers.  He's managed to keep what little he's eating down since then, but he's still miserable and dealing with diarrhea all day long.  And, he's been working on weaning for a week or so... so he's not really interested in nursing to keep his intake up.  My heart breaks when he is crying so inconsolably and there's nothing much I can do to help him feel better.  Even though I know that this will pass... I just cannot help him to see that and feel peace.

These are the times that I wonder if I'm getting a tiny glimpse of how God feels when we struggle so much with something serious in our lives.  Here I am struggling with being so far away from my church family and even though I want God to move now, for some reason He can't/isn't.  I'm sure that He is trying to comfort me and reassure me that everything will work out better in the end.  But, my heart is so distraught that I'm sure I'm missing what He's trying to express to me.

Lord, please quiet my heart and mind that I can rest in Your peace.  I want to be content and rejoice where You have me... but my heart hurts and I am struggling.

Pondering the depths

of God's great love and mercy.  That is what I've been doing recently.  Life is busy and I have been struggling to keep a right heart about the pace.  I have found that being quiet and waiting for the Lord are the two things that bring me back into focus.

When we struggle with daily life, we are most often not walking rightly with God.  We walk through the day overwhelmed and stressed out.  We aren't trusting that HE is who He says He is in our daily lives.  Sure, we believe that He is the God of the impossible... just not "today's impossible".

I have no doubt that I am exactly where the Lord wants me to be.  And yet I often find myself wishing that "here" isn't where He wanted me to be right now.  It is in the midst of these times that He shows me just how much I can trust Him to be the impossible for me.  He can (and does) work in me so that I am able to be (and do) all that He has set before me.  And, when I cannot accomplish everything He gives me the peace that everything He wanted was in fact accomplished... and that the rest can wait.

So, starting right here and now I am striving to trust in my God.  He IS the God of my impossible... every time.

Mark 10:27 ~ Looking at them, Jesus said, "With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God."

Jeremiah 32:27 ~ "Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?"

Joy

Psalms 51:12 ~ Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit.

Joy... it's something I have been severly lacking.  My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak.  I'm taking some time to restore my focus on the things that really matter.  This means less time online and more time just playing with my children and being a Godly wife and mother.  Joy... my heart is His... and nothing is more important than that.

Wordy Wednesday

Josiah was 8 months old last week and decided that it was time to show off some new skill.  "Look mom... no hands!"

Of course, he doesn't last long without falling or sitting down.  But, he IS getting more proficient.  He is still 100% breastfed and shows little to no interest in eating anything else.

We (mom, Josiah and I) enjoyed the retreat at Sandy Cove.  It was beautiful and very refreshing.

Then, it was back to "normal" life.  Well, as normal as it can be with Jason out of town on business for the week.

We had an appointment for both Tabitha and Josiah on Tuesday afternoon... just normal well checks.  We transferred care to our family practice doc since our wonderful pediatrician doens't accept the new health insurance.  However, I'm still just rejoicing that Jason HAS a new job and one that is as awesome as it is! 

Tabitha turned 2 at the end of July.  Right now she weighs 27 lbs and is 33 inches tall.  I have to call the ENT to get her hearing follow up done by November.  Then, we'll see where her speech is... or isn't.  Right now, she still doesn't talk at all.  Josiah is 8 months.  He weighs 16 lbs, 6 oz and is 26 1/4 inches long.  No other issues or concerns.  Eliana and Noah both have well checks next month.

Me?!?  I'm still fighting off a nasty urinary tract infection and now have some sort of a cold.  My blood pressure is awful and I'm going to have to start meds again if I can't get it under control this month.  I'm a mess!  But... praise the Lord that He is in control and knows exactly what tomorrow will bring and exactly what is best for me.  I am praying and seeking His direction.

What else?  Uhm... this is a preview of what I've got on my table in the sewing room right now.

I've got 6 or 7 AIOs almost finished for the upcoming stocking on September 19th.  I need to finish tucking the tails and putting the front snaps on.  Oh, and I've got two more soaker/booster sets to make.  Then, I've got some embroidered lace trim that I'm trying to reproduce.  It was removed from a wedding gown that my mom is altering for a friend.  This is my first really big challenge with my embroidery machine and software.  It needs to be finished the end of this week and I'm not getting much done.

On that note, it's time for me to figure out how to work this newfangled latte machine and then get to work in the sewing room.

"Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD" (Psalm 31:24).

Retreating into the Storm

Yes... I AM going to Sandy Cove the weekend that Tropical Storm Hannah is coming through (or her remnants anyway).  But, I think it's awesome how God works and this will be a great retreat no matter what the weather is like.

I've got my message finished... all except for the last few notes that the Lord is still growing in my heart.  And, I've still got plenty of praying to do.  And, I'm all packed and almost ready to go.

I've got a plan to pay off our debt (credit card stupidity) in 18 months or less.  Of course, I've got a LOT of sewing to get done in order to make this work.  And, I have to allow flexibility for unexpected expenses too.  But, the Lord is good and I am sure that He will help me to stick with this and make it work.

I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am for this weekend retreat.  I am expecting the Lord to move in mighty ways.  But, I am NOT looking forward to coming home just in time for my husband to leave for the week.  He has a training class for work that he NEEDs to take.  And, I will be praying for his safety and for the Lord to bless him during this time.  But, I will also be glad to have him home again on the 13th.

I am resting in this verse as I submit to His plans for the upcoming month... Jeremiah 32:27 ~ "Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?"

A little bit of quiet

Not getting much done around here and that's okay with me.  Josiah and Tabitha have been struggling with a touch of a stomach flu for the past two days.  They are the last of the littles to suffer through this.  We are relaxing at home today and trying to get some rest.  I miss the fellowship with my church family though.

So, while Josiah is napping and Tabitha is quietly playing next to me, I'm taking this time to gather my thoughts and finish preparing for my teaching at our upcoming ladies retreat.  We will meet at Sandy Cove on Friday and be refreshed and bask in God's presence through the weekend.  We come home Sunday... just in time to see my husband off for a week-long work training trip to Colorado.

This year, our ladies retreat is teaching on the various names of God and how we can know and trust Him better by knowing his name(s).  I am teaching on the Widow of Zarephath (I Kings 17) and how God showed himself to be Jehovah Jireh and Jehovah Rapha... The Lord our Provider and the Lord who heals us.  I've been trying to finish up my teaching and yesterday felt the Lord tell me to step back and just wait on Him.  He finally showed me that I'm trying to cram too much and just need to simplify and trust that the rest will be covered.

I would rather not speak at all than to speak in myself... that is, not having the Lord speak through me.  I pray for the ladies at the retreat to be touched by each of the teachings and to be drawn ever closer to the Lord who loves them very much.  I am humbled to be given this opportunity again this year to be used by God.

While I do not rejoice in the fact that my littles are ill, I do rejoice in this quiet time alone with them and the Lord.  It has been and continues to be a time of refreshing.

Now, I'm going to finish up my typing of my teaching.  Then, once Josiah gets up from his nap, we are going to take a short drive.  I feel the need for a visit to the Starbucks drive-thru.  Then, I think we'll come back and listen to worship music while I putz around my sewing room and/or knit.

In Him... ~ Tiffani