SweetPea Castle

Inspiration

It comes in many forms... and often at the strangest times and in the most unexpected ways.  But, I wouldn't have it any other way.  I grew up very troubled and struggled with myself for many years.  My outlet was creative writing.  I loved writing poetry and song... more songs than anything though.  It's been years since I've given into the desire to write.  But, I think it's time again.  And, I think it's time that I got that piano uncovered and really started playing.

The children are getting older and growing up so quickly.  I have my hands full.  But, I have songs in my heart that I believe the Lord wants me to let out... even if they never become anything more than private worship.  He deserves ALL my praise!

Jason and I had the miraculous pleasure of spending two nights and three days away from the children and regular life this past weekend/week.  We attended the Integrity Deeper Worship seminar in Virginia Beach.  We took a great part of our church worship team down and God really blessed us.  Now, we all return with fresh vision and inspiration.  But, even better than that... we had an amazing time just being alone and in the presence of the Almighty!

Our two pups are at their two week puppy boot camp... and a great young lady from church (God Bless the Dahl family!) came to stay with our four littlest ones.  It gave us the freedom to attend the seminar without distraction or other concerns.  Such a rare and much needed retreat!

Now, it's time to get back to the daily walk and everything that it entails.  I'm sure I'll get back to post a more mundane and regular post sometime later.  But, for now I've got tons to get done around here.  I've got some diapers to get listed in the online store too.  May the God of gace and mercy draw you ever closer to Him... and may you meet Him... at the foot of the cross...

Surgery Follow-up and more

The doctor's report was a mixed review.  He is happy with the repair itself, but not confident that we won't still have problems... either now or later.  Jason and I are taking this to the Lord and taking one day at a time.  I am still in regular pain.  We'll see what God does over the next several months as to what (if anything) we do.

The pups... Ace and Dash are doing great!  They were nuetered on September 10th and are healing nicely.  They get their staples out a week from tomorrow and we can hardly wait.  They are STINKY boys and seriously need to be bathed and groomed.

Homeschool is moving along.  I am looking forward to getting back into our "normal" routine in the next two weeks and being able to maintain it without all of these appointments and stuff.  The SOS curriculum is working for Noah, but I'm just not sure it's what is best for us.  We'll see how the rest of the year goes.

Noah, Eliana, and Tabitha have dentist appointments next week on Wednesday.  This will be Tabi's first visit.  We've also got her speech therapy on Tuesday.

Mudpiebabies... I'm going to start sewing (well, the cutting and prep-work anyway) for my next stocking this coming week.  I have some bills to pay and get under control.  So, I am praying that a few nice big stockings bring back the customers and bring in some new ones.  I need to see if I can get someone to do some banner ads for me.

Knitting... I recently finished a lovely test-knit shawl and will be purchasing yarn for several more.  I frogged back a pair of finished longies for Josiah and added to the rise.  I'm just about to start the legs again and need to be sure they are longer this time.  They would have fit perfect... for about a month... as they were.  But, I wanted them to fit the season.  I've also got another shawl on the needles and a child sweater.  I'm waiting on some handspun yarn to start knitting a sweater for Noah.  And, I just saw a perfect pair of fingerless gloves that I think I'll cast on for next.  I LOVE knitting!

I have a bunch of things to get done today... so I best be getting off here for now.  I have some serious menu planning to do.  If anyone has some recipe ideas that might work for picky littles, please feel free to share.  Between their pickiness and Jason's diabetes... I have my work cut out for me.  But, I am determined to start making proper meals again.

I am most grateful for the place the Lord has me right now.  It isn't comfortable... but I know that He is growing me and drawing me closer to Him.

Monday Monday...

This is going to be a very busy week for our house, so not much time to update.

I am finishing up 12 small AIOs for a very dear friend this week.  Then, I've got 12 more and some fitteds and covers to finish next week.  She is due "any day now" and I'm WAY behind.  The next batch will have some embroidered AIOs... the current are just plain PUL.  I'll post a seperate update sometime in the next few weeks in regards to the future of MudpieBabies.

My brother-in-law (and sister-in-law and nephew), as well as my father-in-law and step-mother-in-law, are visiting us this week.  I've got to finish my sewing so that they have enough room to crash.  ;-)  Then, this is month-end weekend for Jason at work.  And, we've got a family cookout to head to after church on Sunday.

I'm working on a pair of beautiful pink x and o knit socks.  Next are some longies for Josiah and a shawl for me... and a few other things that I need to get busy with.

This morning was started with prayer and study in the Psalms.  Now, I'm listening to some Bible teachings on my iPod while I'm busily working in the sewing room.

What?!?  You are wondering how I am sewing and posting?  Me too... so, I'm outta here before I lose complete track of my time today.  Have a wonderful week and I really do hope to post some more updates soon.  God is doing awesome things in my home.

Seasons...

My heart is heavy... I've so many things running through my mind right now that I need to sit down and sort through it all - most of it anyway.

This December will be 9 years since my tubal reversal.  I went into that surgery asking God for "just one more".  Just one more to carry and feel growing in my womb.  Just one more to nurse and snuggle.  Just one more to raise for His glory.  He lovingly gave me four more miracle blessings on this earth.  And then he closed my womb for good.  It was NOT how I would have envisioned things ending.  But, obviously He didn't ask my input on this subject.

May 6, 2008 was the day that the Lord closed my womb permanently.  After Josiah was born on January 3, 2008 everything sort of "fell out".  I had a pretty severe pelvic prolapse that required surgical intervention.  That was my only real option.  Jason and I were at a place of asking the Lord to either close my womb or give us an extended break when found that we were expecting Josiah.  Again, this is not how we would have envisioned Him answering our prayers.  But, again... He didn't ask for our preferences in this matter.  We are still dealing with complications from this original surgery and are praying that my surgery next month will resolve everything finally.

In preparation for this upcoming surgery, the doctor really wanted for Josiah to have been weaned.  I told her that he was my last and I refused to push him before he was ready.  Well... one week ago he was ready.  His last time to nurse was just before bed on April 25th.  I knew it was coming.  We were down that week to nursing just 2-3 times a day at most.  But, I still wasn't entirely ready.  I rejoice that the Lord granted me so much.  And I know that this is for the best.  Now, my body has plenty of time to adjust and be prepared for surgery.  AND, I get to go away for a weekend alone with my husband in two weeks (thank you mom and daddy!).  Yet, my heart is still heavy as I gaze upon my baby who is growing up entirely too fast for me.  Well, really they all are.

Seasons... we've been in a season of childbirth and little children for 8 years now... and this season is ending.  Thank you Lord for trusting us so much with these precious miracles.  Now, I prepare my heart to move on faithfully in this next season.  And I rejoice knowing that You are directing my every step.  Help me to be more faithful in ministering to my husband's needs and being the wife and mother... and keeper of my home... that YOU'VE called me to be.

Pondering the depths

of God's great love and mercy.  That is what I've been doing recently.  Life is busy and I have been struggling to keep a right heart about the pace.  I have found that being quiet and waiting for the Lord are the two things that bring me back into focus.

When we struggle with daily life, we are most often not walking rightly with God.  We walk through the day overwhelmed and stressed out.  We aren't trusting that HE is who He says He is in our daily lives.  Sure, we believe that He is the God of the impossible... just not "today's impossible".

I have no doubt that I am exactly where the Lord wants me to be.  And yet I often find myself wishing that "here" isn't where He wanted me to be right now.  It is in the midst of these times that He shows me just how much I can trust Him to be the impossible for me.  He can (and does) work in me so that I am able to be (and do) all that He has set before me.  And, when I cannot accomplish everything He gives me the peace that everything He wanted was in fact accomplished... and that the rest can wait.

So, starting right here and now I am striving to trust in my God.  He IS the God of my impossible... every time.

Mark 10:27 ~ Looking at them, Jesus said, "With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God."

Jeremiah 32:27 ~ "Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?"

Joy

Psalms 51:12 ~ Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit.

Joy... it's something I have been severly lacking.  My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak.  I'm taking some time to restore my focus on the things that really matter.  This means less time online and more time just playing with my children and being a Godly wife and mother.  Joy... my heart is His... and nothing is more important than that.

Little Steps...

So far, this has been a good week.  I am feeling a little under the weather... some sort of tummy bug... today.  But, I'm sure it is just a minor inconvenience.

Noah's homeschool work is coming along nicely.  He is doing really well with his studies and with keeping a proper attitude.  That's been our biggest challenge the last week with his cold.

The girls are doing well.  Eliana is doing very well with writing her letters and trying to learn how to write the names of her siblings.  She will be starting Kindergarten next fall.  Tabitha is doing fantastic.  She is potty learning!  I am working more with her on signing.  I think that our next step with her is trying to find a speech therapist that will take our insurance or do this through the county/state.  I need to discuss this further with Jason to see what he wants me to do.

Josiah is a little piggy.  He turned his nose up at ANY form of baby food... until I got him the little fruit puffs... kinda like cheerios.  He LOVES them.  And, he loves the dried apples and the cheese puffs.  This change in eating habits made me remember why I really didn't want to introduce anything other than breastmilk until I "had" to... the diapers are awful!  Yuck yuck yuck!  Now, I need to see how he likes peas and carrots.

I just finished my last custom order.  It will ship out tomorrow.  I need to get pictures of them and package everything up to ship.  I was also just notified that a custom that I shipped to Canada has just arrived!  Nothing like taking a bit.  It was shipped on the 4th... via Express!  I'm going to email the mama tonight and be sure that everything is to her liking and arrived okay.

I'm going to relax and enjoy some knitting time while Josiah is down for his afternoon nap.  Perhaps I should just lay down on the couch and close my eyes for a bit.  I am amazed at just how well the Lord knows me and makes sure that I rest and just enjoy watching my children play around me.  Sometimes we just get too busy and He needs to slow us down.

Psalms 92:4 ~ For You, O LORD, have made me glad by what You have done, I will sing for joy at the works of Your hands.

Edifying Speech...

Ephesians 4:29 (NASB) ~ Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. 
 
Therein lies the reason I have been posting less recently.  There's another simpler way of stating it... "when you can't say anything good... don't say anything at all".

I have been in a really bad "funk" for a while now and just not able to work my way through it.  And, although I don't proclaim to have been completely "set free"... I do proclaim to be on the path.  Somewhere along the way (over the past two years), I got angry at God.  Even though I professed with my mouth that I trusted His timing and His ways... my heart showed a whole different attitude.  I wanted to believe this way... but, honestly I just didn't.

I wasn't ready for another child (yet) when we conceived Tabitha.  We confirmed her impending arrival (July '06) just before Eliana's first birthday (December '05).  But, I leaned on God and His Word and came to peace with His plan.  My heart was selfish.  I wanted more time for ME to be ready.  I wanted ... well... that's just it.  It was all about "I want".  And that's something I never wanted to be.  Pregnancy is always VERY rough for me.  Labor and delivery have always been a piece of cake.  But, the pregnancy was physically and emotionally draining on me.  And, bedrest with two littles ones at home made things more difficult.  Then, Tabitha has really been a sickly child.  A lot of recurrent ear infections, upper respiratory stuff, hearing issues and just plain weak immune system.  I was weary and struggling.

Jason and I committed our fertility to God's timing when we had my tubal reversal in December of 2000.  We've maintained that committment ever since.  So, we weren't really surprised when I got a positive pregnancy test on May 8, 2007... before Tabitha was even 10 months old.  But, we were struggling.  We had both been on our knees in prayer... asking that the Lord would give us longer to get our health and home in better shape... to have some time to focus on our marriage a little bit... to breathe.  But, Noah's prayers must have held more faith... well, we know that God's plans aren't always our own.  Noah was praying for a baby brother... and HIS prayers were definitely answered.

This pregnancy was also very difficult, but in slightly different ways than previously.  Although I did struggle with blood pressure issues, that was in the middle of my pregnancy and was definitely stress related.  But, because of those issues I had to abandon my heartfelt desire for a homebirth with a midwife.  My heart still aches from the loss of that desire.  Yet, I knew what was best for my family and for our baby.  This time, I also crossed the line and was Gestational Diabetic.  It was diet controlled and really nothing to worry about.  And, I didn't require the serious bedrest for the last three months that I had with the 3 previous pregnancies.  I rejoiced for that.

Josiah's birth was everything that I could have asked for when I submitted to not being able to homebirth.  Although we did have an induction, I went in already contracting and ready.  I also had no pain meds or epidural this time.  This was a BIG prayer answered for me.  But, it would seem that it too had come at a cost.  I was in serious lower back pain starting the night that he was born... and it didn't go away.

Jason and I had been praying throughout my pregnancy with Josiah that the Lord would have mercy on us and show us His will for our fertility.  WE were ready to be done.  But, we were also fully committed to whatever HIS plans for us were.  But, we were once again asking the Lord to at least close my womb for a time of healing.  Little did we know just how He would answer this prayer.

We rejoice over the blessings that the Lord has given us in each of our children.  And, we couldn't imagine life without any of them... even if we didn't feel "ready" for them at the time.  God's ways are perfect... how truly we know this.

So, we continue on after Josiah's birth... fully expecting to "get back to normal" as always.  I realized fairly quickly that there was something wrong and it was confirmed just 3 weeks after he was born.  I had a serious pelvic prolapse.  Everything was falling out and I was in significant pain.

We had our answer from the Lord about our fertility.  However, I was NOT happy about being the one who had to go through surgery and recovery for this.  I can actually look back at my attitude then and kinda chuckle.  How often do I ask something of God and then get mad when he answers me... just not the way I had anticipated?  The Lord has chosen to close my womb... and remove it... because it's falling out anyway.

So, I had the surgery on May 6th... a hysterectomy with complete pelvic repair/reconstruction.  I knew that I would have at least a 6 week initial recovery time.  I knew that it was going to be a difficult recovery.  But, I can honestly say that I was not prepared for how difficult it turned out to be... or for the complications.  I was not allowed to lift my baby... or any of my other children.  Someone had to bring Josiah to me to nurse... and then take him when he finished.  I could hold him in my lap... but I couldn't lift him or get up with him.  I was tied to my bedroom to recover so that my children didn't hurt me any more than I was already hurting.  And, the catheter... oh the catheter... that was torture and nothing that I would wish on my worst enemy.

The complications... I couldn't pee... and some of the surgical areas inside weren't healing properly.  So, I had to go back for further surgery on June 23rd to fix things.  Praise the Lord that surgery definitely helped.  I could finally pee on my own (without the catheter) and the inside areas were finally able to heal properly.  But, it hasn't been a complete success.  I still have some pain and urinary issues.  I'm on my third UTI since that last surgery... two of which have been in the last month.

So, where did all that leave me?!?  Still mad at God and just not able to get to the root issue.  I haven't said anything because I just haven't known what to say.  But, now I do.  God is God... whether we believe it or not... whether we understand things or not... and whether we like what He's doing or not.  I am resting in His promises.  Whether I am healed here on earth... or in eternity... I know that I will be healed.  And, I DO know that His ways are much better than my own.

So, while I adjust to my fresh new attitude, I wanted to share that it's been a long journey... but, I'm rejoicing to be where I am right now.  I choose JOY!

Temper Tantrums

I'm still around, just very busy and trying to get a handle on my personal attitude these days.

I find that I am struggling with emotions that are rather foreign to me right now.  I feel very out of sorts.  So, I am taking this time to be quiet and study the Word of God for His guidance and healing.

I'm also working on a custom order... getting the fabrics pulled, cut and prepped.  Then, I've got four embroideries to get done.  I'm also planning my instock sewing plans.  I want to have a bunch of instock diapers ready for November.

Knitting is also going along well.  I've got a bit more done on Cheyenne's Swing Thing.  I really dislike this yarn though.

This UTI is kicking my butt.  Yes!  I have ANOTHER UTI... the second one in the month.  Unless they didn't kick the last one with that round of antibiotics.  I've got 10 days of this antibiotic and an appointment with the urogyn office in two weeks.  She will test again to see if it's all gone.

Time to run.  I've got two more PUL cuts to take care of... and I want to get some stuff ready to leave for the ladies meeting this afternoon.  Better get it done while Josiah is still napping.  And, I need to take Tabi to the potty... she's doing AWESOME at potty learning!

Procrastination

It's not really a good or a Godly character trait.  But, it is one that I struggle with regularly.  While I may indeed work my best under pressure... it's not fair or best for my family.  So, I am working on being a better steward of my time... as always.

I have some embroidered trim that I am trying to recreate for a good friend's wedding gown.  I must confess that this is a little overwhelming for me right now.  It's probably going to turn out to be fairly simple.  But, it's figuring it all out for the first time that is so time consuming and stressful.  I have traced the pattern, scanned it into my computer, and double-checked my months' old instructions for my software.  Now, I have to try to digitize this and make it work.  And, working with my littles underfoot while doing this is NOT proving to be a good thing.  I'm going to get the basics done this afternoon and work on it further tomorrow.

I just finished stocking my store and now need to send out an email to my announcement group.  I am really pleased with getting everything finished that I had planned to.  If it weren't for sick children and this wedding dress trim, I would have worked on more.  But, this is a good stocking.  I am planning to stock on the second and fourth Tuesdays of every month from now on.

The children are still struggling with these summer colds.  And, Josiah was up last night with some sort of stomach bug.  It's just plain painful to have to comfort an 8 month old who is barfing up everything in his stomach... several times throughout the night.  Praise the Lord that he seems to be feeling MUCH better today.  I AM wondering if his stomach upset had anything to do with the oatmeal cereal and pears that he tried yesterday.  Since he did NOT seem to enjoy any of it, we will forgo the whole "babyfood" scene for a while longer.  He is doing fantastic with breastfeeding and doesn't seem to want or need anything further at this point.  We'll consider trying something again in a couple of weeks.

Tabitha is potty learning!  She is regularly going on the potty and keeping her diaper dry.  Most of her "accidents" are just times when we are not being faithful in taking her often enough.  I am on the lookout for some really cute panties for her now as a reward.  She's growing up so fast and is beautiful.

Ooops... speaking of time management.  I really need to go find something to make for dinner or the lot of us might starve this evening.

Psalms 28:7 ~ The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, And with my song I shall thank Him.