SweetPea Castle

Well that was fun... NOT!

After the doc told me to remove the catheter before 4pm.  I was having painful bladder spasms and feeling the urge to pee even though I was cath'd.  It was only a few hours earlier than the original plan that I was sent home from the hospital with.  I was supposed to remove it first thing this morning.  But, the doc thought perhaps my bladder just wanted to start working on it's own without the cath.  I guess NOT!  I never was able to pee last night.  I ended up in the local ER just before 11pm delirious from the pain.  They re-cath'd me and let me come back home.  It was NOT a pleasant visit and I'll just leave it at that.

The good news... no urinary infection present and I finally have relief.  The bad news... I still have this catheter in.  I'll be talking with the urogynecologist sometime today and working on a plan for our next step.

The ER doc recommended bladder retraining prior to cath removal.  So, we'll see what my uGYN says and go from there.

I wanted that cath out SO bad... sometimes God just needs to remind me to be grateful for the small things.  At least I'm still able to poop and am still feeling better every day.  Today I feel like I've been kicked in the gut with someone's steel-toed boots.  But, I am sure that tomorrow I will be doing much better.

One step... one day... one moment... at a time.

Slow and Steady

... Wins the Race!  I don't have to remind myself to take it easy.  My body will not LET me do anything else.  A quick recap...

Monday, May 5th I completed the yummy bowel prep.  Tuesday, Jason had me at the hospital by 6am for surgery that was scheduled for 7:30am.  After the usual pleasantries, it wasn't long at all before the anesthesiologist came in with the "happy juice".  She injected it into my IV and the last thing I remember before being wheeled out of the prep area was kissing my wonderful husband.  They told him to go find a LOT of things to do that the surgery would be roughly 6 hours.  8... YES... 8!!! hours later they finally let him know that I had just been taken to recovery and would see him in probably another 2 hours in my room.  The surgery had a couple of unexpected complications and they had to give me two units of blood in the OR.  The entire rest of that day is a complete blur.  Wednesday, May 8th... I got two more units of blood throughout the day and plenty of pain medicine.  And my mother-in-law came to the hospital for a visit.  I got out of bed to sit in the chair for the first time.  My pca pump was removed sometime early in the day once I could eat and swallow the pain pills.  I kicked my husband out of the hospital to a local hotel for the night so that he could get some real sleep.  Thursday, May 9th... all hell broke loose  at 4am when they realized I had hit my max dosage for Tylenol based pain meds at my 1:30am dose and couldn't have any further medication until the doc could work out what I was allowed/could take.  Because of my many medication allergies and the fact that I was still nursing, they couldn't give me just anything.  I called my husband in tears because of the pain and he rushed right in to take care of me.  They didn't get it worked out until nearly 8:00am.  The doc came in and apologized.  Once we got the pain under control, the rest of the day was fabulous.  But, the lack of pain control and associated issues set me back and I was unable to go home that day.  I finally got to get out of bed for my first walk around the surgical floor right around 1pm.  Hospital food sucks!  Afternoon came and I started up a steady low-grade temp (for the second afternoon in a row) and it was decided that I definitely would not be going home today.  Friday, May 9th... a couple of walks around the floor and fever is under control.  Pain management seems to be working.  I was released right around 7pm to go home.

The doctor made a mistake on the prescription for pain meds and we couldn't get it filled - guess it really was a good thing we had decided to stop at a pharmacy less than 15 minutes or so from the hospital instead of driving the whole 2 hours home.  We rushed back to the hospital to get them to fix it all.  By then, I was in a LOT of pain again and very stressed.  We got everything temporarily resolved and got one of the two pain meds that was supposed to last me through the weekend.  I didn't think to ask the doctor what the NEW dosing instructions would be without the other pain med.  So, at 3:30am on Saturday I was shaking and hysterical with pain.  My wonderful mother and husband managed to move the rocker/glider from the nursery into my bedroom for me to try to get a little more sleep in.  And, once I spoke with the doctor in the morning and got the new dosing instructions we were doing great again.  I wasn't able to nurse Josiah at all on Saturday.  He just wouldn't latch on and I was still in considerable pain.  On Sunday, I got the BEST Mother's Day present of all when Josiah latched right on and spent the day nursing to his hearts content with my mother's help.  Monday, May 12th we got the prescription issues worked out with the surgeon and my local primary care doctor.  Tuesday, I had a kink in my foley catheter and thought I wanted to die right around lunch time.  Once we figured out what was wrong, I just spent the rest of the day resting and thanking God for His amazing mercy in it being something so simple and easily resolved.  I even managed to hobble downstairs and out onto the back deck to sit and breath in the beautiful sunny day and relax in one of the gliders mom got for my deck.  Sunshine, a nice breeze, good pain control and beautiful orchard/mountain views... God's therapy at it's best.

That brings us to today... it's been a good day.  It wasn't as warm outside, but I did manage to get outside to get some fresh air and relax for a bit.  Josiah is still nursing 100% of the time with no supplementation and no seeming adverse reactions to my current meds.  All of my little ones are adjusting rather well.  My husband is working amazingly hard to be all that we need of him right now.  My mom is still sleeping on my couch and here nearly 24/7 to make sure we are okay through this week. Oh... and my laptop was shipped to HP today to be repaired while I recover.  I'm working on this "loaner" my hubby provided.

Tomorrow is yet another day and another time for the Lord to show my family His amazing love and provision for us.  I plan to pick up my socks and continue my knitting tomorrow.  I might even finish them depending on how the day goes.  Hug your loved ones and never forget to take time to show them just how important they are to you.  You might not have another chance and they need to hear it from you.

Godspeed... ~ Tiffani

home...

... feel like death... probably look like it too.  Longer than expected surgery.  A couple of minor complications.  But, for the moment I am at home and praying that I don't have to go back to the hospital anytime soon.

I will update more when I can... probably next week.  Godspeed... ~ Tiffani

A New Journey Begins

It is hard to believe that this journey is over.  After so many years of praying for "just one more child" and finally coming to the commitment to return our fertility to God's hands, this is an adjustment.  We prayed for several years before God provided the finances for my tubal reversal in December 2000.  We committed right then to completely leave our fertility in God's hands and trust Him with whatever He gave us.  It's not always been an easy walk, but it's been more than we could have ever imagined.  So, 7 pregnancies and four living miracles later, the Lord has closed my womb.

I would be a liar if I didn't say that I am actually quite sad about this.  But, I would be even more of a liar if I didn't say that I'm also quite relieved by this.  Jason and I were definitely ready to be "done" with this season of child-bearing.  We are blessed beyond imagination with our current quiver-full.  But, we are excited about being able to focus on our children and have some restoration in our marriage.

It's difficult to go from having nearly young adults and a LOT of freedom... to having a housefull of young children who need your constant attention.  I have been pregnant, nursing, or miscarrying for the last 7 1/2 years.  My husband is looking forward to getting his wife back.  ;-)

So, as I move out of one season and into another, I am cherishing each and every moment with my children.  They truly do grow up way too fast.  I am focusing on proper training and education.  I am also cherishing the time to get my body back in shape.  I won't be allowed to do any real exercise for 4-6 months.  But, I'm going to walk and eat right until then.  I am going to take the time to bring my family back to regular meals around the dining room table - meals that are healthy, yummy, and prepared with love.

I have been married to the love of my life for over 20 years.  I have 6 beautiful children.  I have a gorgeous house and a church and family that loves me.  Life is good.

My pastor gave my husband this scripture when I was struggling the other night...

Psalms 9:10 ~ And those who know Your name will put their trust in you, For You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.

Pre-Surgery update

Tomorrow I head down to the hospital for my pre-op appointment.  Then, Monday I have the lovely bowel prep to do.  Finally, surgery is at 7:30am on Tuesday.  I'm expecting to be in the hospital until Thursday afternoon-ish.  Before then, I've got a LOT to get dealt with and it's not working so well with 4 clingy grumpy little ones.  But, they need me... and that's what I need to be doing more right now.  I just wish Josiah felt a bit better.  The poor little man is terribly grumpy.

Okay... I said I would write more about the surgery and I guess today is the best time to do that.  After Josiah was born, I ended up with a significant pelvic/vaginal prolapse.  After several doctor's visits and prayer, we decided that the best option was a hysterectomy with pelvic repair.  I will have at least 6-8 weeks of serious recovery.  I won't even be able to lift Josiah during that time.

Since I am trying to ship my laptop back to HP for repair during this time, I'm not sure exactly when I'll be able to post updates.  But, my wonderful husband set me up with another "loaner" laptop.  So, it shouldn't be too far out.

I praise the Lord that I have family and friends that are here and willing to help us during this very difficult time.  I'm still very nervous and weepy.  I'm looking forward to being healed... I'm not really looking forward to the method that gets us there.

Time to run... Josiah needs another breathing treatment and some snuggle time.  He really needs a nap, but just can't seem to get to/stay asleep right now.

Godspeed.... ~ Tiffani