This morning was when I finally took the time to let all of the frustration and discouragement overwhelm me and deal with it... and cry my heart out before the Lord. I am SO far away from my brothers and sisters in Christ. Our church is 90 miles away and so are all of my friends. It's been 3 years since we moved out here and my heart is aching to go back. But, the door just hasn't been opened yet. Our house is still up for sale with no bites at all. We really can't afford to put any money into it that it needs (new carpets or wood flooring, landscaping, etc.). But, we don't feel called to lose money on this sale either. I am torn and really searching for what God wants us to do. I do know that He wants my husband to take the lead on this and for me to submit completely to him.
But, I feel so lonely. My mom is amazing and I couldn't imagine life without her this close... personally. But, she is my mom... not the same as a close friend. I truly could never explain just how blessed I am by her and daddy. But, I need my children to be closer to the church friends and family. And I need to be closer. I need the regular friendship, fellowship, encouragement, and even admonision that comes from being closer.
I trust that God's timing is perfect. So, now I pray for His perfect peace and for His guidance for my poor husband who is so overwhelmed with life himself right now. I pray that the Lord would show my husband the path that we are to take and the timing that it is to be taken in. I pray for him to be blessed in his work in ways that seem impossible right now. I pray that he would be kept healthy and spiritually strong during this time of trial and growth. Lord, help me to be a blessing to my family and not a constant burden or heartache.
Thank you Jesus for everything that You are to me... and always will be. Amen.