SweetPea Castle

Repentance and REST

That is why God says to us, "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength" (Isa. 30:15).  In repentance and rest.  He loves it when we, gripped with doubt and fear that He will not be enough, turn the gaze of oursouls to Him in hope.  He loves to prove himsel faithful and more than enough to satisfy our hungry souls.  When we do turn to Him, our souls rest and we are saved.  Again.  And Again. ~ Captivating, by John & Stasi Eldredge, p. 141

So, why is it that I cannot find REST?!?  I am so tired of being sick and tired.  I'm tired of being depressed.  Every time I feel like I'm coming out of this fog... I seem to hit rock bottom again!

Why?  Why am I supposed to be wonder woman... mom of the year?  Who is supposed to take care of me when I'm suffocating from taking care of everyone else?  They can all get sick and REST.  I get sick and I have to suck it up and still take care of all of them.  It's just not fair.  And, yes... I know that I'm being selfish and whiney.  But, that's how I FEEL right now.

I feel like such a hypocrit.  I just want the joy restored to my very soul.  I am heartbroken and in desperate need of someone to take care of me and bring me some rest.  I am surrounded by people and yet feel alone... and yet truly ALONE is how I want/need to be right now.

Jesus, please forgive me for being so self-centered and unloving.  Please restore the joy in my heart and home.  Please help me to be the helper suitable and mom that I know You have called me to be.  I am truly falling very short.

Resting

Tonight, I am resting in my waterbed with my laptop precariously positioned across my legs.  I am trying to keep a watchful eye/ear on my littlest blessing.  Tabitha has been sick for 3 weeks now.  Last weekend, she was admitted to the hospital to be watched overnight and get her breathing back under control.  She has unoficially been diagnosed with RSV and is once again sounding quite "croupy".  My heart just aches for her to feel better again.

She is still SO adorable... even though she's so sick.  She still lights up with the most amazing toothless grins for me.  She melts my heart when I am at my lowest.  She is 4 months old... time has just flown by so fast.

I am worried about her.  She is so restless and really hates the nebulizer breathing treatments.  My heartcry is that the Lord would heal her and that we could get some rest tonight.  He trusted me with her... so, I can trust her to His care and timing.